WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE BREAKFAST CLUB"

Note for first time visitors: This blog generally covers fairly serious issues during the week. Weekends are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

(Note: we are not implying that the contributions of the animals are not serious, although it is difficult to make a categorical statement in this regard.)

This weekend we once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay). We must remind readers that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury when he crashed into a wall whist chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has been known on occasion to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we are convinced that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that features such as this will contribute to a greater appreciate of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE BREAKFAST CLUB"

OK, so this movie is about like these high school kids who get in trouble and have to go to detention hall on the weekend. It's kind of like when Moomus and Doodus make me get in my crate.

I think they've forgot about my crate lately. I hope so cause I don't like going there. In the movie though when the kids go to their crate there are other kids there...

The soccer team was supposed to go to detention too except their plane crashed in the Andes and they had to eat each other...

So anyway the kids in detention start talking to each other and start to become friends except for this one girl who wants to be a pro boxer. I'm a boxer too. One time I clonked Doodus in the eye when we were playing squeaky toy.

So anyway the girl starts to train for a match with Patrick Swayze except they don't hit but kind of spin and twirl around. I think that's a symbol of like weather or something.

When it's time for the match, she's in this coliseum in gladiator costume and is about to fight when this big fire-breathing Japanese monster with all these spines down his back destroys Tokyo.

The whole band gets put in jail after the concert.

It was awesome.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC REVIEWS "THE GODFATHER"

For first time readers, this blog generally deals with fairly serious topics during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

We are pleased to once again welcome Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY), our official film critic.

We must remind our readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regretable shortcoming.

It is our hope that features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE GODFATHER"

OK, so this movie is about an old guy who is like the head of a crime family and he's trying to figure out which of his kids is going to take over the business. His name is Don Corleone.

He's about to pick one of the kids when he goes to this science lab and is bit by a genetically modified spider. After that, he can climb up walls, jump all over the place and squirt web out of his wrists.

Doodus said if he was like a real spider, the web would come out of someplace else. Moomus told Doodus he was a dork.

Anyway, he gets this cool uniform and swings around all over New York City. Everything goes OK until this great white shark starts eating tourists right at the height of vacation season and then everybody wants him to stop it so he goes out on a boat all the way to Cambodia to kill the shark who used to be a Colonel but then went nuts.

There's a big storm and the boat lands on a witch. This makes these little people happy but not her sister, who is like the editor of some fancy fashion magazine. It all works out though, because when everything starts to get really crazy she turns out to be his sister, so they can't get married.

The symbolism of this movie is really deep, especially the part where a monkey throws up a bone and it turns into a space ship.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS BERGMAN'S "THE SEVENTH SEAL"

For first time readers, during the week this blog covers fairly serious topics, judiciously seasoned with gratuitous animal pictures.

During the weekend, however, the animals get to speak for themselves.

This weekend we once again welcome boxer Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY), official Goat Rope Farm film critic. Mr. Sege wishes us to announce that he is aghast at the low level of culture in the current cinema and that he now intends to review only highbrow films, starting with Ingmar Bergman's 1957 classic The Seventh Seal.

(Note: we must remind readers that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of film more than compensate for this regretable shortcoming.)

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE SEVENTH SEAL"

This movie is frikkin' awesome! There's like this medieval knight who comes back from the Charades where he went through all kinds of nasty stuff.

But that's just the start. When he gets back from Vietnam, where he busted out the POWS--a frequent motif in classical cinema--there's this plaque that's rampaging around and messing up everybody's teeth.

Anyway, he winds up playing a game of Battleship with Death to save his buddy Ted. Or maybe he's Ted and the other one is Bill.

He almost loses, but then he remembers the crane technique that Mr. Miyagi taught him and bonks him one.

There is heavy symbolism in the movie, like from the Bible or something. Doodus says the name comes from the Book of Revelations, but I thought that was about penguins instead of seals.

I kind of wish they made a movie about the Seven Penguins and that Snow White person instead. Or was that the Seven Monkeys?

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED