Cutting remarks and New Year wishes

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a guy's view of the world varies in direct proportion to the functionality of his chain saw (I'm being literal, in case there are any underemployed Freudians out there). El Cabrero has spent a good bit of this week fighting with those devices. If I make another trip to the saw shop, they're going to think I'm stalking them.

But, for today anyhow, at least one saw worked.

This is newsworthy since I am a mechanical idiot and have bad machine karma. I'm sure there's a scientific reason for this. My pet theory is that I offended the Greek god Hephaestus at some point in this or a previous life. He has jurisdiction over such things. I should probably make some kind of offering, preferably not one inflicted by said chain saw.

At any event, have a happy 2010 and may all your chain saws start on the first pull.

Regular semi-serious posts to resume on Monday.

URGENT SOPRANOS UPDATE. It looks like Netflix and or the Postal Service stiffed me for a day so I may not complete my New Year's Week resolution to finish the last season of the Sopranos before the Spousal Unit returns. It almost makes me want to whack somebody.

LEFTOVERTURE. I'm still slacking, but here's the latest edition of the Rev. Jim Lewis' Notes from Under the Fig Tree. It's a New Year's edition filled with leftovers and brains.

AND ON A POSITIVE NOTE, here is an encouraging tale of friendship under fire from the Middle East.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

Country matters

Venus singing about a man after midnight.

Christmas is a holiday rich in family traditions and rituals. Each household has its own customs of a more or less elevated nature.

I am somewhat chagrined to bring up one such custom that seems to prevail at Goat Rope Farm. It nearly always comes to pass that right around Yuletide the female goats at the farm express a none too subtle desire to spend a bit of time in the company of a Gentleman Companion. It's pretty unmistakable.

I draw from this the conclusion that goats as a group have little reverence for Christian festivals. Indeed, they seem to me to be thoroughly pagan. No wonder they show up so much in Greek mythology.

At such times, we usually pack them in the back of the Spousal Unit's vehicle and visit the nearby farm of some friends.

I don't know if the Gentle Reader has had much experience with caprine Gentlemen Companions, but they are a randy and smelly lot and have somewhat unorthodox ideas of personal hygiene and appropriate cologne.

The courtship is somewhat abbreviated, although less so than that which follows. It's a pretty businesslike transaction.

There are no missed signals or any trace of ambiguity. It occurs to me that if humans were more like goats, there would be no romantic comedies or tragic tales of star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet. Jane Austen would have had to find a different subject to write about and Sigmund Freud could have stuck with dissecting eels or prescribing cocaine. The course of true love would run smooth--or it wouldn't run at all.

The question of whether that would be an improvement is above my pay grade.

STILL SLACKING. Here's one item on procrastination that I meant to link earlier.

SOPRANOS UPDATE. The project to watch both parts of season 6 before the return of the Spousal Unit is in jeopardy. Either the postal service or Netflix messed up and I lost a day.

FALLEN TREE UPDATE. It's kicking my hiney.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

New from the Hillbilly Health Club

It's way bigger in real life.

Anxious to lose those extra holiday pounds? Feel no fret. The official Goat Rope Hillbilly Health Club has a special plan for you.

Our staff of professional trainers has devised the perfect workout using the latest equipment, in this case a tree that fell on a neighbor's yard. The workout consists of using a chainsaw, which around here is defined as a device that works for about 15 minutes, a handsaw and a splitting maul.

The routine, which combines cardio with resistance training, involves deconstructing the tree, loading it onto the "farm use" truck (if it starts) and then turning it into firewood. The stuff that is too small for the wood stove is to be dragged off and dedicated to the bi-annual Celtic bonfire (for which wicker bonfire sacrifices are strictly optional).

Don't be the last kid on your block to sign up!

SOPRANOS UPDATE. El Cabrero's heroic effort to make it through parts 1 and 2 of season 6 of The Sopranos before the Spousal Unit returns is still in progress. So far 9 episodes have been devoured and things don't look too good for Vito right now, even though he's enjoying New Hampshire. After this, progress may be delayed until Netflix and the US Postal Service do the right thing.

I'M STILL SLACKING, but here's a good summary of what the final version of health care reform is likely to do. As flawed as it is, there is some decent stuff in it.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

The purpose-driven week

Image courtesy of wikipedia.

El Cabrero has the feeling that a lot of people are slacking off this week. I know I am. While I am technically off, my overly developed (gasp) sense of duty compels me to continue posting.

Here's what's up: I am on a mission this week. The Spousal Unit is out of town for a few days. Of course I am prostrate with grief and all that. Indeed, it is only the fact that I have a higher calling that allows me to survive.

My calling consists of watching parts 1 and 2 of season 6 of The Sopranos. That's 20 episodes, give or take a few.

For some reason, the aforementioned Spousal Unit has refused to watch the series on the grounds that it is too violent, not that she's seen any of it or anything. I have tried to explain repeatedly that there's really not all that much violence in it, aside from people getting whacked. And what else are you going to do with a guy like Ralphie anyway?

I'm off to a modest start (only about seven episodes done so far). Whether I finish or not depends on the vagarities of chance, the US Postal Service and Netflix. But at least my life has a purpose.

I may or may not get through it by the time she returns. But what are you gonna do?

JUST ONE link. I told you I was slacking this week.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: FUGETABOUTIT