FERDINAND'S ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN
I'm a guy who has been out of the dating game for years now and am about to go on a blind date. Do you have any suggestions for how I should prepare or what we should do while we're getting to know each other?
Rusty in Ripley
How can you be so silly as to even ask such a question?
Is not the answer clear to even a baby bug? Can this not be seen even by a newborn kitten who has yet to open his eyes?
First, you must preen and carefully groom yourself. Look at the photograph and do as I do. You must always do as I do.
Then, once you have properly preened and are in the presence of the object of your passion, or of anyone else who may or may not be in the general vicinity, you must poof up your feathers and rattle them like the tail of a viper love which is about to strike.
What is the point of romance but to display yourself to the world? And what is the point of being the object of desire but to watch the display and bathe oneself in the rising tide of longing?
No other activity is needed. The goddess of love will do the rest.
Now go, silly little man, and trouble me no more.
Ferdinand the Peacock
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED