November 27, 2009
Weekend special--the untrustworthy reptile returns
Editor's note: It is the policy of this blog on occasion to provide space for the contributions of several of the animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This holiday weekend we are not entirely pleased to note the return of one such commentator, a snapping turtle who declines to give his name and is known only as The Untrustworthy Reptile. We hesitate to take this step but feel compelled to do so given our strong commitment to the First Amendment, although the extent to which it applies to animals is unclear.
We must also once again remind the reader that the management of this blog assumes no liability for anyone who actually takes the advice of any such animal.
(Regular posts will resume Monday, Nov. 30 if the creek don't rise too high.)
THE UNTRUSTWORTHY REPTILE OFFERS CURE FOR HOLIDAY OVEREATING
Hey you there. Yeah, the one who looks like a blimp with feet. Jeez, you look like you're about to pop. Looks like somebody's had their snout in the trough a little too long.
Lucky for you I'm here. I have a simple remedy for overeating that'll take away that bloated feeling and make you look like a human again, not that that's any great shakes. It also fights aging and tooth decay and makes you irresistible to people you think are hot.
Let me see...where did I put that. Oh yeah, I remember now. It's in my mouth. Way back there. All you gotta do is put your fingers part way in just for a second or two. Come on, reach right in there just for a little second...
Hey! Where are you going! Come back here! I hope you do pop--I hate you!
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED