January 11, 2008
WEEKEND SPECIAL: INTRODUCING THE SELF HELP GURU ROOSTER
For first time visitors, it is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
In our ceaseless efforts to bring only the very best to our readers, we continually seek for the best and brightest animal commentators. This weekend, we are pleased to introduce Self Help Guru Rooster. Self Help Guru Rooster is a motivational speaker who claims to have advised many business and civil leaders with his message of positive thinking and prosperity.
Ordinarily, he charges very high fees for his seminars, but for a limited time only he has agreed to share his secrets with Goat Rope readers on the condition that the hens stay around.
(Disclaimer: we assume no liability for the consequences of anyone who acts upon his advice or that of any GR commentator.)
It is our hope that (bio) diverse features such as this will elevate the level of discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!
You know what? You can have everything you want all the time! All you gotta do is want it.
I'm living proof. See how good looking I am? That's cause I wanna be that way. And anything I want is right there. When I walk around the yard, there's grass and bugs and worms whenever I want them. And when I want grain, there's some of that too. When I concentrate real hard, sometimes somebody throws an apple core.
And there are fuzzy hens too! There's like a gray one and a white one and a black one. And they're just there all the time.
You too can have all this. I know what your thinking--there's no way you could have it all like I do. That's what's holding you back: your negative mental attitude.
Take it from me. I used to be a loser like you. Actually, I don't think I was. OK, forget that part. Just get out there and start scratching around the yard and stick your face right down in the mud and manure and you too will find all kinds of grass and bugs and worms. Just like me!
Just leave the hens alone.
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED