January 26, 2008
WEEKEND SPECIAL: INTRODUCING PARANOID CONSPIRACY THEORY ROOSTER
For first time visitors, it is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This weekend, we are pleased to introduce a new commentator who is known only as Paranoid Conspiracy Theory Rooster. He declines to give his real name due to possible retaliation from "the Freemasons, the Rosicrucians and the Bavarian Illuminati."
Disclaimer: the opinions expressed by this or any other talking animal are not necessarily those of Goat Rope management and staff. Rather, it is our hope that (bio) diverse features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.
PARANOID CONSPIRACY THEORY ROOSTER SPEAKS
Hey--this has gotta be quick. I want to tell you this before THEY try to stop me. They've got me boxed in here. You know why? It's cause I'm onto them. I figured it out.
There was a crop circle in the garden here last year. That's right,baby--UFOs. And the government's in on it! First they tried to fool us with that bogus Apollo moon landing way back in 1969. That was just to get us to take our eyes of the ball, see?
The UFOs are here as part of the New World Order. That's when the United Nations goons swoop down in their black helicopters and put a microchip in your butt--then it's pretty much over, dude!
That's why they took Elvis out and broke up the Beatles...
Who do you think is behind this recession, anyway? That's right--a certain secret society bent on world domination through the banking system. It all started with zip codes: five digits, five fingers--they thought we wouldn't get it!
Now they've got bar codes...
It was all predicted in Nostradamus--but then he might have been in on it too.
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED