March 03, 2007

WEEKEND SPECIAL: MORE ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN FROM A PEACOCK


For first time visitors, Goat Rope generally runs fairly serious commentary about current events and ideas during the week.


The gratuitous animal pictures are just sort of there.


During the weekend, however, the animals get to speak for themselves.


This weekend, we are pleased to once again feature advice for the lovelorn from Ferdinand the Peacock, our very own gangster of love.


(Disclaimer: Goat Rope accepts no liability for the relationship consequences of acting upon Ferdinand's advice.)


FERDINAND'S ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN


Dear Ferdinand,

I'm a guy who has been out of the dating game for years now and am about to go on a blind date. Do you have any suggestions for how I should prepare or what we should do while we're getting to know each other?

Thanks,

Rusty in Ripley

Dear Rusty,

How can you be so silly as to even ask such a question?

Is not the answer clear to even a baby bug? Can this not be seen even by a newborn kitten who has yet to open his eyes?

First, you must preen and carefully groom yourself. Look at the photograph and do as I do. You must always do as I do.

Then, once you have properly preened and are in the presence of the object of your passion, or of anyone else who may or may not be in the general vicinity, you must poof up your feathers and rattle them like the tail of a viper love which is about to strike.

What is the point of romance but to display yourself to the world? And what is the point of being the object of desire but to watch the display and bathe oneself in the rising tide of longing?

No other activity is needed. The goddess of love will do the rest.

Now go, silly little man, and trouble me no more.

Sincerely,

Ferdinand the Peacock


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Leave it to a peacock to miss the obvious answer: why bother preening is your date is blind? Learn braille instead.

/snark

El Cabrero said...

Whoa, I didn't see that one coming.

However, I think Ferdie views displaying as an end in itself. It may even be more important than that other thing.

Jspiker said...

Sometimes a good show just ain't enough when you've been out of circulation for a few years and rusty.

Does his cousin Ruth live on the farm too?

Of course....I'd never cross a gangster under any conditions.

I know he's a gangster, I know he's a lover, but I hope he's not a gangster lover.

Life could be short with a relationship like that...

El Cabrero said...

He's hooked up with Isabel, but displaying seems more important than the act itself, which probably skews his advice.

The problem is we have a 3 to 1 male to female ratio (something we'll try to correct this spring at the big Circleville poultry swap--a high point on the Goat Rope social calendar).

Sometimes they get into Benny Hill mode and Ferdie chases everyone all over the place. He is a gangster with a gang of one.