November 09, 2007
WEEKEND SPECIAL: RETURN TO LOVE
Note to first time visitors: it is the policy of this blog to discuss fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various talking animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This weekend, we are pleased to welcome back Ferdinand the Love Peacock after a hiatus of several months. In the past, he has offered advice for the lovelorn but took a leave of absence when his feathers fell out in late summer.
Although winter has not yet begun, we are pleased to say that his eye feathers have once again begun to grow and that he is once more, like the state of West Virginia, open for business and thus will be able to reply to the urgent requests of those in need of his services.
It is our deepest hope that features such as this by (bio) diverse contributors will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.
Legal disclaimer: Goat Rope accepts no responsibility for the consequences of anyone acting upon the advice of any of its animal commentators.
FERDINAND'S ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN
I've been dating this girl for a long time and we get along pretty good, but there's one thing about her that is driving me crazy and not in a good way. It's just that she has this mole on her nose that looks kind of like the state of Texas or maybe an armadillo. I don't like to look at it but when I look at her, it's hard to take my eyes off it.
So then I try to avoid making eye contact but then she gets mad when I don't want to look at her. I don't know what to do.
She's pretty much OK otherwise and I'd hate to let a mole come between us but it isn't going away. What do you suggest?
Baffled in Berkeley Springs
I am continually amazed that you hairless primates manage to reproduce at all when you understand nothing at all of true love and courtship. Foolish, foolish little hominid, allow me to explain.
The point of love is not to look at your beloved but to make her look at you! It is the display and not the gaze which is of utmost importance. Do you think I care what someone looks like when I am displaying to then? Why then do you think I have spent many hours displaying to trees, rocks, chickens, and goats?
The point is this--poof up your tail feathers in a glorious circle and rattle them like a tambourine and turn to the rhythm of the turgid tides of love. This will solve your silly little problem.
Now go away and leave me alone. I must concentrate on growing my feathers back.
Ferdinand the Love Peacock
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED