November 17, 2007
WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE PUBLIC HEALTH TURKEY
Note for first-time readers: it is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This weekend, we are introducing a new guest commentator, Dr. Drumstick, who claims to have extensive expertise in the field of public health. We take no position on this issue and wish to remind our readers that Goat Rope assumes no liability for those who act upon the advice of the talking animals who appear here.
It is our hope that by providing space for (bio) diverse commentators we will promote a greater appreciation for both the humanities and the animalities.
DR. DRUMSTICK WARNS OF GRAVE HEALTH CRISIS IN THE COMING WEEK
Man, I could get in big trouble for telling you guys this, but I just can't have it on my conscience. I know Thanksgiving is coming up and that's a big deal to you guys.
That's fine--enjoy the day off.
But you need to know some stuff. Trust me, I'm a doctor. Know what turkeys eat? Think it's Purina Turkey Chow? Not this year. Every turkey in this country and in key trading partners of the US has been chowing all year on lead, mercury, and dioxin. I just ate 3 pounds of recalled toys myself.
I feel sorry for anybody who takes a bite of one of us--they'd be a walking organic tumor farm.
Oh yeah--and this one's for the guys--guess what our favorite food is this year? It's saltpeter! And all that stuff you heard about it is really true.
This year when the family gathers around the table, think beef. It's the new white meat.
Take my word for it. If you can't trust a doctor, who can you trust?
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED