September 15, 2007
WEEKEND SPECIAL: ANOTHER BLAST FROM THE CANINE FILM CRITIC
Note for first time readers: This blog usually covers fairly serious issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This weekend, we once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay). We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has sometimes been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we are convinced that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.
It is our deepest hope that such commentaries representing (bio) diverse viewpoints will elevate the level of public discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.
THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "CHARLOTTE'S WEB"
OK so this movie is about a pig and a spider. The pig is scared of getting eaten and this spider decides to help him out.
The whole movie takes place in this fancy resort in the Rocky Mountains where the spider, the pig and their kids are staying while it's closed. They're like supposed to take care of it during the winter or something.
The thing is, the resort is haunted and there's all kinds of ghosts in there. The pig starts getting really weird so the spider decides to get out.
She runs away and now she looks kind of like a blond. She decides to stay at the Bates Motel. The guy who works there is named Norman and he has some issues with his mother. Doodus says it's a Freudian movie.
I don't know about that but sometimes I kind wish something bad would happen to Doodus so I could have Moomus all to myself. Then I feel guilty about it...
Anyway, right at the time the blond spider woman gets in the shower, this guy Norman comes in but--this is the cool part--she follows this white rabbit who's late for a very important date down a rabbit hole where they drink tea and have an unbirthday party.
The rabbit and the blond spider woman go on this big road trip and drive off the Grand Canyon holding hands.
I think everybody forgot about the pig, which is my main criticism of this movie. The part where they had these jet battles was awesome though.
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED