August 04, 2007

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC DISCUSSES HARRY POTTER


For first time visitors, this blog generally covers fairly serious topics during the week. Weekends are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This week we once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY). By special request from a Goat Rope reader, he will discuss Harry Potter, beginning with the first film in the series, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and as a result has sometimes been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. We are convinced, however, that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS HARRY POTTER

OK, so Harry Potter is this orphan kid who lives in a closet, which is kind of like a crate. I don't like crates.

Anyhow, he finds out he's a wizard and goes away to wizard school but he isn't careful and gets a case of Hogwarts. I don't think I've ever had Hogwarts but sometimes I break out when I eat people leftovers. Doodus says maybe he got it from a toilet seat, but Moomus told Doodus he was a dork. She does that a lot.

But he gets better and he has this cable access TV show with his buddy Garth, who is also a wizard. But this Dark Lord guy tries to buy out their show. He was the one who killed Harry's parents too.

After they lose their TV show, Harry and Garth get a job in Wyoming taking care of sheep. I didn't really understand some of that stuff and it got kind of slow for a while until there's this big asteroid that's about to hit the earth and Harry and his buddies are supposed to go up there and blow it up.

So they try to get the band together again to save the orphanage and they plan on giving this big concert. Harry sings and Garth plays harmonica. Everything goes great till the prom when some mean guys dump pig's blood on Harry when he's all dressed up. Man, he loses it then!

He really messes the bad guys up in the chariot race...

The main symbolism in this movie is the sled with "Rosebud" written on it. It's like about innocence or something.


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

4 comments:

Bon said...

so wrong...on so many levels....

although the idea of harry growing up to become a stoner in Garth's basement...priceless.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I was wondering if Mr. Sandor Sege would review the Harry Potter film. I see that this illustrious critic is up to his usual form.

brecht said...

I always enjoy the nicely blended movie reviews. I thought the 5th Potter movie was great, tightly edited, amazing how much they crammed in. The final book was great, except for how she killed off just kidding.

Best of luck in the Triathalon tomorrow!

El Cabrero said...

Thanks to all! Mr. Sege put a lot of time into that one.