June 30, 2007

YOUR FORTUNE TOLD HERE


For first time readers, it is the policy of this blog to deal with fairly serious topics during the week. The weekends are reserved for special guest commentators by various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we are pleased to feature another commentary by Madame Ouspenskaya, a fortune teller well versed in the occult arts.

(Note: any resemblance between Madame Ouspenskaya and Goat Rope's canine film critic is purely coincidental.)

(Disclaimer: the staff of Goat Rope assume no responsibility for the consequences of any reader who acts upon the advice of any of these commentators.)

Thanks to a massive upgrade by the Goat Rope tech crew, we have raised the bar in blogospheric history by developing what we believe is the first online animal fortune teller.

If you haven't tried it before, here's how the system works. First, hold your palm to your computer screen. Then, scroll down to access Madame Ouspenskaya's reading.

Hey! You're not supposed to scroll down until you've held your hand to the screen.

And Yes! This means you.

OK, fine--be that way, but don't blame us if it messes up your reading.

MADAME OUSPENSKAYA'S READING

Your palm tells me much of that which has been and that which is yet to be. It speaks to me of your soul.

You are a person of complexity yet simplicity. You enjoy moments of happiness and dislike moments of misery. When you are hungry you desire food. When you are tired you crave for rest.

When your squeaky toy is stuck way under the couch where you cannot reach, you feel great frustration. Especially when it is the purple one.

Sometimes you have accidents.

You have a spot which, when properly scratched, causes your legs to jump up and down maniacally.

Now for your fortune: when moments of hardship come, as come they must, you will enjoy these somewhat less than moments of non-hardship. Yet you will experience great happiness in your moments of utmost joy. In moments of loneliness, you will experience a sense of isolation.

For your life's work to be successful, here is one word of advice: make lots of popcorn with plenty of butter and give it to a dog. A boxer to be exact...


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

5 comments:

thinkulous said...

Stunning!

How does she KNOW all that about me?????

It's like she's PSYCHIC or something!!!!

El Cabrero said...

She is pretty good, isn't she? I don't know how she does it. When I ask, all I get is "How's that popcorn coming?"

Juanuchis said...

A-HA! My Formidable Nose smells a fraud!

The Madame is mistaken that there is a purple toy under the sofa. It is a rawhide bone!

Mayhap Madame would rather read my face wrinkles than the paw, er, palm.

Regards,
Bruno

Mary Rayme said...

That fortune teller is like so right on. Woof!

El Cabrero said...

Juanuchis--Madame Ouspenskaya is of the opinion that someone may not have held their hand to the screen before scrolling down. She did say that rawhide bones were ok but would be better if they squeaked

Mary,
Obviously, you followed the proper procedure.