June 09, 2007

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE UNTRUSTWORTHY REPTILE RETURNS


For first time visitors, it is the policy of this blog to deal with fairly serious issues during the week. Most of the time.

During the weekend, however, it is our practice to provide space for various animal commentators in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, it is with some hesitation that we present another feature by an itinerant snapping turtle who declines to give his full name and is known only as The Untrustworthy Reptile.

We do not believe that this creature has the best interests of our readers at heart. Indeed, it is only by reason of our strong commitment to the First Amendment, although the extent to which it applies to reptiles is unclear, that we allow his views to be published at all.


Above all, it is our hope that features such as this will permit the expression of (bio)diverse viewpoints and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

We must add the following disclaimer: the views expressed by animal commentators are not necessarily those of the Goat Rope staff nor do we assume liability for the consequence of anyone acting upon their advice.

THE UNTRUSTWORTHY REPTILE PROMISES WEALTH

Hey you! Yeah, you...with the face. C'mere.

Jeez, you look pretty seedy. You could use some new threads. And that hair! What kind of junk heap are you driving anyway?

Looks like you need some cash. No problem. I can hook you up. I got this friend who works for the lottery, see. We were in school together. He owes me one. And you know what? He told me what the next Power Ball number was going to be. I got it written down.

If you had that, you could be a millionaire and wouldn't look like such a loser. I'm feeling generous today. Tell you what, I'm gonna give you the number. Then all you gotta do is go to the Go Mart and get rich.

It's right here. In my mouth. All you gotta do is reach in there and get it. Way back. Just reach in part way for a second. That's all it'll take. Come on, do it!

Hey! Where are you going? Come back here! Loser! Candy @$$! Wuss! I hope you starve! I hate you!


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

4 comments:

thinkulous said...

Man, that is one snippy snapper.

I love when he says, "Yeah, you, with the face."

El Cabrero said...

You didn't reach for the numbers, did you? I hope you read the disclaimer...

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I am walking away from that turtle's offers without a moments hesitation. And a warning to Mr. Untrustworthy: A church near me always has a turtle soup supper each July. I know they are looking for the fixins.

El Cabrero said...

Good call--keep walking and don't look back! I nearly lost a finger or two taking the picture (and, no, I didn't take him up on his latest offer).

Thanks!