May 05, 2007
WEEKEND SPECIAL: MORE FROM THE UNTRUSTWORTHY REPTILE
Note to first time readers: It is the policy of this blog to offer fairly serious material during the week. During the weekend, however, we open this space to various animal commentators in and around Goat Rope Farm.
This week, with some admitted angst and trepidation, we once again feature commentary by a snapping turtle who refuses to personally identify himself and is known only as the Untrustworthy Reptile.
The Goat Rope staff would like to stress that his inclusion in this space is by no means an endorsement of his opinions. Further, we will accept no liability for the consequences of anyone who chooses to follow his advice.
THE UNTRUSTWORTHY REPTILE OFFERS SPIRITUAL ADVICE
Hey you! Yeah, you, Zombie Head. Know what your problem is? You need peace of mind. Yeah. Yeah. Like spiritual enlightenment or something. It'll give you immortality and you won't have to be reborn as mammal, which is like the TOTAL worst thing to be.
I got just the thing for you. It's a...ummm...Secret Teaching. Yeah, a secret spiritual teaching. Once you understand, you get your mind straightened up and you can have anything you want. Some people might even like you.
I just happen to have the thing for you. It's like a Lost Gospel or something. Forget all the other ones--this is all you need. You'll be blissed out for eons.
Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you where it is. It's right here in my mouth, back in there a little ways.
All you gotta do is reach in there and get it. That's all. Just reach part way in for a second. Yeah, part way for a second.
Hey! Where are you going? Wuss! Come back here! Fine--you're gonna sizzle and pop in hell! I hate you!
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED