WEEKEND SPECIAL: MORE ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN FROM A PEACOCK

For first time visitors, this blog generally has fairly serious commentary during the week and commentary from a host of talking animals on the weekend.

This weekend, we once again welcome Ferdinand the Love Peacock, who will answer questions from romantically challenged readers.

(Note: the staff of Goat Rope assumes no responsibility, legal or otherwise, for the consequences of anyone actually following his advice.)

It is our deepest hope that features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

FERDINAND THE LOVE PEACOCK'S ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN

Dear Ferdinand,

I'm trying to get over a nasty breakup and have been wondering how long I should wait before looking for another relationship. Some friends think I should wait a few months before seeing anyone and deal with some of my own issues. What do you think?

Signed,

Lonely in Logan

Dear Lonely in Logan,

Your letter makes absolutely no sense. What possible reason could there be to delay even for a moment the delights of dalliance? What possible issues do you have to work on that could possibly be more important?

You are a silly, silly, silly little human. How can there possibly be so many of you when you are all so tone deaf to the pulsating polyphony of desire?

Since you do not identify yourself by gender, allow me to offer this advice. If you are a male you have but two choices. Either cast yourself over a cliff and rid the world of yourself or else poof up your tail feathers and begin displaying immediately. Rattle them like the tambourines of temptation for all the world to see and let the goddess of love do the rest.

If you are a female, your job is even simpler. All you have to do is watch and listen for the display and cast yourself at the feet of the displayer.

Signed,

Ferdinand the Love Peacock

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED