WEEKEND SPECIAL: DENNY DIMWIT ON MORALITY

For first time readers, this blog generally covers serious topics during the week and features commentary by talking animals on the weekend. This weekend, however, we have a special news item.

We are pleased to announce that Goat Rope Farm resident, noted free market economist and bantam rooster Dr. Denton "Denny" Dimwit, has recently received major funding from a large bank doing business in West Virginia to present a series of lectures supporting the philosophical tradition represented by Ayn Rand.

(Note: It is not clear whether this is related related to the bank BB&T's recent funding of several similar projects in this state.)

The topic will be "The Virtues of Total Selfishness as the Whole Basis of Commerce and Society." The reader will perhaps recall that Dr. Dimwit serves as director of the Goat Rope Farm Public Policy Foundation and has served as a senior economic advisor to the Bush administration and several conservative and libertarian think tanks.

We are very proud of Dr. Dimwit and have long believed that he is by far the most intelligent and articulate representative of this school of economic thought. We will now proceed to his inaugural lecture.

THE DIMWIT DISPATCH

Crudawakapatootarini! It's about time I got some recognition in this dump. I'm getting sick of the sceptic sludge on this blog.

OK. Let me tell you what it's all about. Or better, let me show you what it's all about. Check out that picture. Know who that is? Huh? Know who's on center stage? Want three guesses? Is it you? Oh, no, I forgot, isn't you, is it? Who could it be?

Oh yeah--it's me! That's what I'm talking about.

Now see, this is about morality which is about what's good and bad. Let's go back to the picture. Did I mention that's me? OK. First principle: me=good. Second principle: me getting what I want=good. Third principle: me not getting what I want=bad. Fourth principle: good=freedom. Fifth principle: me getting what I want=freedom=good.

Pretty simple, huh? That's all you need to know. Now go fetch me that BIG hen, dammit. And tell the bank to get rid of that other rooster. I say sell him to Col. Sanders! That's the beauty of the market.

And that's the truth. You bet your cloaca.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED