February 24, 2007

WEEKEND SPECIAL: YOUR FORTUNE TOLD HERE



For first time readers, it is the policy of Goat Rope to provide semi-serious commentary during the week, seasoned with gratuitous animal pictures.

During the weekend, however, the animals get to speak for themselves.

This weekend, we are pleased to introduce a new commentator, Madame Ouspenskaya, a fortune teller well versed in the occult arts.

(Note: any resemblence between Madame Ouspenskaya and Goat Rope's canine film critic is purely coincidental.)

Thanks to a massive upgrade by the Goat Rope tech crew, we believe we are about to break new ground in blogospheric history, to wit, the first online animal fortune teller.

Here's how the system works. First, hold your palm to your computer screen. Then, scroll down to access Madame Ouspenskaya's reading.

Hey! You're not supposed to scroll down until you've held your hand to the screen.

And Yes! This means you.

MADAME OUSPENSKAYA'S READING

Your palm--it speaks to me. It tells me of your journey through life, of what has been and what is yet to be.

Your journey is long and varied. You will know many moments of both joy and sadness, of companionship and solitude.

In moments of companionship, you must sniff and let yourself be sniffed.You must share the popcorn of life and chase its many sticks.

Yet when moments of solitude come, you must embrace them. Clasp solitude to your bosom as if it were your friend.

A squeaky toy can help at these moments.

You must learn what to chase and what not to chase.

And you will know moments of failure and embarassment, when you use the bathroom on the floor.

This too shall pass.


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

4 comments:

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I believe that Madame Ouspenskaya has confused my hand with a paw.

El Cabrero said...

I think the reading is only valid if you hold your palm (or paw) to the screen. Sometimes her readings are cryptic like the oracle at Delphi.

Jspiker said...

Or is it more likely that the God still goes on speaking and we mortals have lost our ability or desire to listen....
Maybe all it takes is an open mind and heart to hear a voice that for centuries distributed wisdom to mankind?

El Cabrero said...

I think there's an old rabbinical saying to the effect that the door to heaven is very low and people don't like to stoop enough to have access to it.