February 03, 2007

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC, BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND


For first time readers, it is the editorial policy of Goat Rope during the week to feature posts on current events, economic justice, culture, etc.

During the weekend, however, this blog features commentary by various talking animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

The views expressed by the animals in question are not necessarily those of the Goat Rope staff (although they might be).

We are pleased this weekend to feature another film review by boxer and film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Sheg-AY). We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury by crashing into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the films he discusses.

Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

Indeed, if you look at his photo, it is clear he ought to be in pictures.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC DISCUSSES ENTER THE DRAGON

OK, so here I am back again. I want to talk about one of the coolest movies ever made, which is Enter the Dragon by Bruce Lee.

Doodus says the thing that's wrong with the world today is that people don't watch enough Bruce Lee movies. Or listen to enough Alice Cooper music. Moomus agrees but also says Doodus is a dork.

Anyway, in this movie Bruce Lee is like this kung fu guy who gets recruited to go on a secret mission to the island of the evil Dr. Han.

Dr. Han is like this one handed bad dude who runs an international crime ring and has a martial arts tournament to get more tough bad guys to work with him.

Everything goes good for Bruce until the Civil War comes and Bruce falls in love with this Red Butler guy who thinks his name is Frank Lee and doesn't give a damn. Then he pulls a carrot out of the ground and eats it and throws up when the South loses the war.

That was the best part.

The only part I don't understand is why Bruce wears all those big puffy dresses cause that makes it hard to kick the bad guys.

Maybe the reason Bruce threw up the carrot is cause he should have been eating popcorn instead.

I want some popcorn too. The only time I threw up is when Doodus spilled some beer and I drank it.

The weird thing was that after Bruce threw up, his head rotated clear around and he floated above the bed and said bad words to the priest.

That part was kind of confusing. Maybe they should have stopped with the carrot...


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

2 comments:

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Mr. Sandor Sege should receive a special doggy treat for that review.

El Cabrero said...

He did work pretty hard on that one. He had a hangover from licking up the spilled beer. Thanks for the comment!