December 16, 2006

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC CONTINUES


Goat Rope is pleased to once again feature a contribution by boxer and official Goat Rope Farm film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY). You can check out his previous two weekend contributions in the Goat Rope archives.

Once again, we must remind our readers that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury whilst crashing into a wall chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we are convinced that his insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that these weekend features will help to elevate the level of public discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

A BOXER EXPLAINS "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"

OK, so this is like everybody's all time favorite Christmas movie. It's about this Jimmy Stewart guy, except he's pretending to be someone else. That's acting, which sometimes happens in movies.

After he loses a bunch of money and thinks he messed up his whole life, he thinks about killing himself. But just before he throws himself into the river, this big twister comes and picks up his house and drops it on a witch. Only her feet are sticking out. And these little people are real happy about it.

Glenda the Good Witch tells Jimmy/the other guy that he needs to go see the Wizard to figure it all out with this angel named Toto who wants to get his wings.

Toto kind of looks like a squeaky toy to me.

So anyway he takes off on the Yellow Brick Road and is joined by some hobbits, an elf and a dwarf. They have to fight off a lot of orcs and trolls, which is kind of cool.

Moomus and Doodus say I look like a cave troll...

So anyway, they finally get to the wizard and destroy the ring. And when the bell rings, Jimmy gets his wings and goes back to Kansas.

And here's the thing: he could have got there all along.

The cinematography is outstanding. This is a technical film critic thing, but it's like in these old movies they take a bunch of pictures and show them quickly so it looks like people are moving around. So it looks like there are people moving around.

They say if you play Pink Floyd's The Wall while watching this movie you get real confused and depressed.

I think that's only true if you run out of popcorn.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

3 comments:

Jspiker said...

Shandor seems to be following the "Yellow Brick Road" to Mordor in persuit of the ultimate squeaky toy again. You need to talk to him about that...

I like seeing Frodo on the same screen with Jimmy Stewart tho...
(I wish he didn't have that house on top of him) but all those little people would cheer anyone up.

Ignore the creature making the "Gollum" sound and we have the the cast for a real Christmas Carol here.

Sure hope the popcorn holds out...

All that is gold does not glitter...

Merry Christmas

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

The poor pup seems quite confused—I wonder if he’d like to meet my neurotic cat?

Woman who herds cats said...

What a handsome boy. But he forgot the flying monkeys.