Some shameless punning on the Farm Bill

 

(You've goat to read this)

As someone who has dabbled in farming, I find it difficult to write about an important topic like the federal Farm Bill without indulging in at least a few agricultural puns—even though punning has a baad reputation.

The 17^th century English poet John Dryden, for example, referred to punning as “the lowest and most groveling kind of wit.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes Senior, 19^th century American physician and poet, said “A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide.”

Mark Twain, whose pen name was itself a pun (the pen pun was unintentional by the way), wrote that “no circumstances, however dismal, will ever be considered a sufficient excuse for the admission of that last and saddest evidence of intellectual poverty, the Pun.”

 I have no beef with such writers or their sage advice, but at the risk of being corny it’s still chard not to.

The Farm Bill is a huge piece of legislation that comes up every hive years and Congress has goat to pass this year. It’s an omnibus bill, meaning that it combines several distinct acts that clover everything from hunger to flood control. But it helps to take it one bite at a time.

Here are some things that ordinary people all over the US and especially in West Virginia need to bee in the bill and that we need to count on Senators Capito and Manchin and Congresswoman Miller to support:

*Food assistance. Let’s face it. Millions of Americans barley get enough to eat--as in 33 million nationwide and over 200,000 here. That situation has gotten worse with the ex-pear-ation of COVID-era safety net provisions and recently passed federal legislation. Last time around, in 2018, our senators carroted enough to support a clean Farm Bill without more restrictions for food insecure people even though they were going against the grain. Let’s hope they do that again.

*Flood control. Irrigation is berry important to farming, but I think most of us would prefer that it not happen to our roads, homes, businesses, and towns. And that it should water our fields without washing them away. A good Farm Bill would help farmers recover from disasters, pre-pear for future ones, and support conservation practices that can reduce flooding.

*Support small farms and farmers. Millions of taxpayer dollars go to subsidize large scale corporate and industrial operations that are inhumane to animals, farmworkers and unsustainable for the environment. You don’t need a fertile imagination to realize that the money would be beet-er spent supporting smaller family farms and local food systems.

*Address climate change. You don’t have to be a farmer to realize that the weather is getting weirder and weirder, but you cane’t help but notice it if you are. A good Farm Bill should provide encourage-mint for regenerative agricultural measures that would conserve soil, prevent erosion, regrow forests, encourage cover crops, store carbon, and reduce emissions.

*Support creative approaches. It wood be win all around if the Farm Bill put more resources into school and community garden projects, urban agriculture, and small scale local projects that fight hunger and keep resources in the local economy. Also, it would be good to take steps to open farming opportunities to people who have been discriminated against in the past.

*Be kinder to our four-legged and feathered friends. Industrial livestock production crowds cattle, hogs, chickens, and other critters into Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations known as CAFOs. Aside from causing unnecessary misery, these create a-maize-ing amounts of animal waste and pollution and encourage the overuse of antibiotics that weaken their effect. They’re nothing to crow about and taxpayers shouldn’t relish the chance to subsidize them.

*Local processing. If the Strengthening Local Processing Act was part of the package, this would be an alternative to CAFOs by supporting local processing of animal products. Surely a meating of the minds is possible here.

*A missing piece. One thing that’s been lacking from previous Farm Bills is protections for the people who dew the work. Lettuce not forget that farm work is difficult and hazardous and much of it is done by children. Nothing against emergency responders, but risks are even higher in this field. Farming is routinely considered to be among the most dangerous occupations. Also, some farmworkers experience wage theft but are too intimidated to pursue redress, which drives down wages for everyone.

*Child care. And how can we forget the kids? Senator Brown from Ohio has rounded up bipartisan support for including the Expanding Childcare in Rural America Act, which would provide more child care in rural communities. Farm work can eat up some long hours in places where there often aren’t good child care providers. It would be great if every child barn in a farming community could enjoy good care when the adults are fending off possums and such.

I realize that this is quite a grocery list, but this is a REALLY big bill and there’s no time for stalling. If we want a decent bill for everyone, we need to turnip the noise and kale our representatives this summer. It’s time to broc and roll.

(This ran as an op-ed in the Charleston Gazette-Mail.)