Here's the opening:
A slew of slack-shouldered, lumbering zombies will infest an area high school on Saturday.
As part of the Boone County Health Department's zombie apocalypse training, Scott High School will welcome hundreds dressed in zombie garb to test the county's emergency preparedness planning.
Apparently, all health departments have to do some kind of emergency prep training. The zombie thing is a way of jazzing it up. And getting more people involved.
The article quotes Linda Holstein from the health department as saying that when they do normal drills, only 20 or so people show up. She's hoping the zombie drill will involve more than 100.
There will even be prizes for the best zombie in several divisions, including male and female winners for best zombie walk, best groan, and best overall.
It all started when the Centers for Disease Control launched a tongue in cheek zombie prep plan two years ago to engage more people in gearing up for emergencies. It worked.
According to Ali Khan, with the US Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response, "If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack."
The only thing I'd worry about, this being heavily armed West Virginia and all, is the need to inform the public that they are not allowed to shoot, machete, or otherwise compromise or puncture the physical integrity of the skulls of the people dressed as zombies.
SOME THINGS HAVEN'T CHANGED...including the fuzzy ideas many Americans have about the Affordable Care Act.
CHILDHOOD ADVERSITY has long aftereffects.
COLLEGE CLASSES. I'll bet you didn't have too many like these. (One is about a you-know-what kind of apocalypse).
GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED