Mark your calendar

Some true believers have predicted that the Rapture will occur on Saturday, May 21. This event will involve the elect disappearing and bodily ascending into Heaven while everyone else will be left behind for what is believed to be A Major Drag.

Not that I've been consulted or anything, but this weekend is going to be a real pain in the nether regions for me. If the world is REALLY going to end in the next few days--not that I'm saying I want it to--could we move it up to Friday morning? Preferably before the ungodly early hour I'll have to wake up? Like maybe around 4:00 am? And instead of dragging it out, could we just shut down the whole project in one fell swoop? Thanks.

WANT TO WASTE MONEY? Here's how.

I HAVE TWO PUNCHING BAGS that I enjoy whacking. One is in the garage. The other is the "philosophy" of Ayn Rand. Someone else enjoys whacking the second one.

NOTE: This post has been scheduled for publication in a few hours because at some point I need to sleep. If anything bad happens between now and then, let the record show once again that I was officially against it.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED