A voice from the beyond

For first time visitors to this blog, it is our policy to write about fairly serious human issues during the week. On the weekends, however, anything goes.

This weekend, we are pleased to feature a review by one of our many animal contributors, the late Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay). Mr. Sege was, until his untimely demise this winter, the official canine film critic of Goat Rope Farm.

While going through various papers connected with his estate, we discovered one of his very last works, a review of the film Mama Mia. It is our pleasure to offer this item to our readers.

Note: while we don't mean to speak disrespectfully of the departed, we must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and was known to occasionally transpose the plots of the films he reviewed. Nevertheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensated for this regrettable shortcoming.

THE (LATE) CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "MAMA MIA"

OK, so this movie is kind of based on the music of some band. I think it was like Bach or Bachman Turner Overdrive or something like that. Or maybe it was Pink Floyd...

Anyway, there's this girl who is about to get married and is sending out invitations. She doesn't know who her dad is but she read her mom's old diary and narrowed it down to three guys.

One of them goes back to Vietnam to bust out the POWs. Another is this monster robot from the future. The third one is fighting off some mummy called Imhotep. But the thing is, all three of them want something from the Wizard. The POW guy wants a brain, the robot wants a heart and the other guy wants some kind of spray to keep mummies away.

When they all get to the wedding, they find out they really had what they wanted all the time. All except the girl, who gets to marry Mr. Darcy instead.

I could see that coming a mile away.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

Dog gone

It is with sadness that we relate the passing of a regular contributor to this blog, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay), who died of multiple systems failure.

Mr. Sege was the official Goat Rope Farm canine film critic. A rescue dog with multiple medical issues, some of which were compounded by head injuries incurred whilst chasing squeaky toys, Mr. Sege found enjoyment in watching and discussing cinema.

Regular readers of this blog will be glad to know that Mr. Sege has a number of as yet unpublished reviews. At the time of his demise, he had just completed critiques of The Dark Knight and Mama Mia.

We hope you will join us in wishing Mr. Sege a fortunate rebirth in the Pure Land of Amida Buddha, where he will be able to pursue enlightenment under the most favorable circumstances, a process that is likely to be somewhat protracted.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: HALF MAST

An old holiday favorite

What would the holiday season be without favorite reruns? In that spirit, Goat Rope is pleased to once again feature a 2006 contribution by boxer and official Goat Rope Farm film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY).

Once again, we must remind our readers that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury whilst crashing into a wall chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the films he discusses. (His fondness for holiday libations is doesn't help). Nevertheless, we are convinced that his insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that these weekend features will help to elevate the level of public discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"

OK, so this is like everybody's all time favorite Christmas movie. It's about this Jimmy Stewart guy, except he's pretending to be someone else. That's acting, which sometimes happens in movies.

After he loses a bunch of money and thinks he messed up his whole life, he thinks about killing himself. But just before he throws himself into the river, this big twister comes and picks up his house and drops it on a witch. Only her feet are sticking out. And these little people are real happy about it.

Glenda the Good Witch tells Jimmy/the other guy that he needs to go see the Wizard to figure it all out with this angel named Toto who wants to get his wings.

Toto kind of looks like a squeaky toy to me.

So anyway he takes off on the Yellow Brick Road and is joined by some hobbits, an elf and a dwarf. They have to fight off a lot of orcs and trolls, which is kind of cool.

Moomus and Doodus say I look like a cave troll...

So anyway, they finally get to the wizard and destroy the ring. And when the bell rings, Jimmy gets his wings and goes back to Kansas.

And here's the thing: he could have got there all along.

The cinematography is outstanding. This is a technical film critic thing, but it's like in these old movies they take a bunch of pictures and show them quickly so it looks like people are moving around. So it looks like there are people moving around.

They say if you play Pink Floyd's The Wall while watching this movie you get real confused and depressed.

I think that's only true if you run out of popcorn.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer explained

As the holiday season approaches, Goat Rope is pleased to offer some insightful discussions of some of the most beloved television Christmas specials. Our canine commentator is none other than Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay), official film critic of Goat Rope Farm.

(We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and has since been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we are convinced that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.)

It is our hope that features such as this will elevate the level of cultural discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "RUDOLPH"

OK, so like this one comes on every year and is the coolest Christmas special ever.

There's this reindeer named Rudolph, see, and he wants to help pull Santa's truck, which is really a robot in disguise. But see, he has this red nose when he comes home from college. This guy tries to tell him to get into plastics but he goes off with Mrs. Robinson instead and I got confused after that part.

Anyway, Rudolph has this little elf friend who wants to be a dentist but he gets eaten by a talking plant after being mean to his girlfriend. The other elves don't think he's very good at making toys after that.

Then there's this abominable snowman who runs around scaring people because he wants to win this disco dancing contest with his partner, who is Mrs. Claus. Santa can't do it because he's trying to get home from the Civil War. They win the contest but the mummy runs off with the prize.

It was kind of predictable if you knew the song.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

Holiday reruns with the canine film critic

The holiday season once again approaches and that means Christmas reruns. Goat Rope is pleased to offer a special repeat edition of one of the canine film critic's finest reviews. In this holiday feature, Goat Rope Farm film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY) will discuss the perennial seasonal favorite, "A Christmas Story."

Once again, we must remind our readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury from crashing into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has on occasion been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we believe that his insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that features such as these will elevate the level of public discourse and contribute to a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "A CHRISTMAS STORY"

OK, so this movie is awesome. Some people may not think this movie needs explaining by a film critic but there's a lot going on there that you might not get at first.

First, there's this kid who wants a BB gun for Christmas so bad it's driving him nuts. But everybody keeps telling him he'll put his eye out with it.

What they don't know is that he really needs this BB gun because this evil robot from the future who looks like some kind of muscle governor is coming back and trying to kill him.

The evil robot catches the kid and puts him in a prison down south where he makes friends with everybody by eating 50 eggs.

I could probably eat 50 eggs if Moomus and Doodus would let me...

The 50 eggs is sort of a symbol for the 12 days of Christmas. Fifty is like the square root of twelve.

Anyway, he escapes from New York and these Christmas ghosts show him what's going to happen to him if he doesn't straighten up. So then he trades in his BB gun and buys Christmas presents for everybody, even the evil robot whose name is Tiny Tim, who gets the girl that works at the fashion magazine.

It's awesome, especially if you eat eggs and popcorn while you watch it.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: SUBLIME

Weekend special: the canine film critic comes out of retirement

As the holiday season approaches, we are pleased to announce the return of a favorite Goat Rope contributor. Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay), a boxer who is the official film critic of Goat Rope Farm, has agreed after lengthy negotiations to once again favor us with his contributions.

(We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whist chasing a squeaky toy and as a result has been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.)

This weekend Mr. Sege will review a perennial holiday favorite, "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It is our hope that (bio)diverse features such as this will elevate the level of cultural discourse.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS"

OK, so this is an awesome movie. Charlie Brown is like this cartoon guy who plays baseball and football but not too well. He's got all these cartoon people around him and a cartoon dog named Rambo.

Anyway, he gets all bummed out because Christmas is so commercialized. So he decides to become the liberator of Scotland. He finds this sad looking Christmas tree but when they decorate it it looks good until he gets caught by the English who really start to mess him up.

Just when it looks really bad, he/she teaches all the other nuns to sing rock and roll songs. Everybody loves it, even the English, so they let him go. That's how come he got to be a pet detective.

The movie is really symbolic or something. The guy with the blanket is really a cop and his sister is the giant monkey who got shot of the Empire State Building. That's what Christmas is really all about.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC ON "THE QUEEN"

Note to first time visitors: It is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we welcome back a perennial favorite, boxer and official Goat Rope film critic Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay). The reader should be reminded that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and has been known on occasion to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we are convinced that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that (bio)diverse features such as this will elevate the current level of cultural discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE QUEEN"

OK so this movie was kind of a disappointment cause I thought it was going to be about Freddie Mercury. But there wasn't any Bohemian rhapsody.

Instead, it was about this queen woman who doesn't even look like Freddie. Her daughter in law who she didn't really like that much got really messed up in a pro boxing fight, which I guess means she can't run for president.

I was kind of surprised since I thought Mr. Miyagi taught her better than to get beat up.

So after she gets really jacked in the ring she becomes this schoolteacher in LA who tries to teach kids not to hate each other. At first they're like all mean to each other but then they work it out and break into this big casino and make a lot of money.

That part was awesome but it would have been better with Freddie. Moomus and Doodus say everything goes better with Freddie.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "BATMAN BEGINS"!

For first time visitors, it is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we are pleased to welcome back a perennial favorite, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay, our official film critic.

We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whist chasing a squeaky toy and as a result has been known on occasion to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

This weekend, he has chosed to review the film Batman Begins.

It is our hope that features such as these will elevate the level of cultural discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC ON BATMAN BEGINS

OK, like this is an awesome movie and it's kind of deep too. There's this guy, Bruce Wayne, who turns out to be Batman. But he wasn't always Batman, see? He was once a little kid whose parents left him alone when they went on vacation and these guys tried to break into the house.

If it wasn't for the little alien with the flying bicycle, he would have been in trouble.

While they were gone, lots of things happened. He turned into this English woman with lots of sisters and went to a ball. There was a guy there named Mr. Darcy Vader, who seemed like a scary rich dork. But Batman/English woman eventually thought she might have been wrong about him and that he wasn't such a dork after all.

That's where it really got cool. Mr. Darcy Vader turned out to be his real dad and he had to fight him anyway with light sabres. The marriage was off.

When it was all over, he does this big power point on how the world is getting hotter.

This movie asks tough questions like who are you and like can you act one way and say you really are another way. I don't know about that.

Can I have some popcorn now?

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC ON "CHRISTMAS STORY"

Goat Rope is pleased to offer a special repeat Christmas edition of one of the canine film critic's finest reviews. In this holiday feature, Goat Rope Farm film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY) will discuss the perennial seasonal favorite, "A Christmas Story."

Once again, we must remind our readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury from crashing into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has on occasion been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we believe that his insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that features such as these will elevate the level of public discourse and contribute to a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

And finally, the human and animal staff of Goat Rope, with the possible exception of the goats, join in wishing you and yours a happy holiday season.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "A CHRISTMAS STORY"

OK, so this movie is awesome. Some people may not think this movie needs explaining by a film critic but there's a lot going on there that you might not get at first.

First, there's this kid who wants a BB gun for Christmas so bad it's driving him nuts. But everybody keeps telling him he'll put his eye out with it.

What they don't know is that he really needs this BB gun because this evil robot from the future who looks like some kind of muscle governor is coming back and trying to kill him.

The evil robot catches the kid and puts him in a prison down south where he makes friends with everybody by eating 50 eggs.

I could probably eat 50 eggs if Moomus and Doodus would let me...

The 50 eggs is sort of a symbol for the 12 days of Christmas. Fifty is like the square root of twelve.

Anyway, he escapes from New York and these Christmas ghosts show him what's going to happen to him if he doesn't straighten up. So then he trades in his BB gun and buys Christmas presents for everybody, even the evil robot whose name is Tiny Tim, who gets the girl that works at the fashion magazine.

It's awesome, especially if you eat eggs and popcorn while you watch it.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: SUBLIME

WEEKEND SPECIAL: "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"

Goat Rope is pleased to once again feature a contribution by our official film critic Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY). And, since the holiday season is fast upon us, we have decided to reprint from last year his review of the perenially popular Christmas film "It's a Wonderful Life."

Once again, we must remind our readers that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury whilst crashing into a wall chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we are convinced that his insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that these weekend features will help to elevate the level of public discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

A BOXER EXPLAINS "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"

OK, so this is like everybody's all time favorite Christmas movie. It's about this Jimmy Stewart guy, except he's pretending to be someone else. That's acting, which sometimes happens in movies.

After he loses a bunch of money and thinks he messed up his whole life, he thinks about killing himself. But just before he throws himself into the river, this big twister comes and picks up his house and drops it on a witch. Only her feet are sticking out. And these little people are real happy about it.

Glenda the Good Witch tells Jimmy/the other guy that he needs to go see the Wizard to figure it all out with this angel named Toto who wants to get his wings. Toto kind of looks like a squeaky toy to me.

So anyway he takes off on the Yellow Brick Road and is joined by some hobbits, an elf and a dwarf. They have to fight off a lot of orcs and trolls, which is kind of cool.

Moomus and Doodus say I look like a cave troll...So anyway, they finally get to the wizard and destroy the ring. And when the bell rings, Jimmy gets his wings and goes back to Kansas.

And here's the thing: he could have got there all along.

The cinematography is outstanding. This is a technical film critic thing, but it's like in these old movies they take a bunch of pictures and show them quickly so it looks like people are moving around. So it looks like there are people moving around.

They say if you play Pink Floyd's The Wall while watching this movie you get real confused and depressed. I think that's only true if you run out of popcorn.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: A DOG EXPLAINS "ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW"

For first time visitors, this blog generally covers fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome back Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shardor Shegg-AY), our offical film critic.

We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has sometimes been known to transpose the plots of the movies he discusses. Nevertheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

This weekend, Mr. Sege will discuss The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS ROCKY HORROR

OK, this movie is like a documentary or something. These two people named Brad and Janet have car trouble and have to walk to this castle where there's all these weird people walking around in underwear and singing.

Sometimes Moomus does that.

The weirdest person in the castle is Frankenfurter, who is like this guy from India trying to lead his country to independence. He wears robes and makes people march for salt and get beat up.

I like salt on popcorn but not as much as butter. If I was going to get beat up, I'd rather do it for butter.

Anyway, Frankenfurter wants to be all peaceful with the British until he gets kicked out of Cuba. Then he becomes like this big drug dealer guy who uses the same word over and over and has white powder all over his face.

I guess it's salt.

He goes on this big adventure to get his bicycle back after somebody steals it, does a tequila dance in a motorcycle bar, and winds up with his girlfriend Dotty after he gets his bike back. They make a movie about it but it's like a movie in a movie.

There's a lot of symbolism in this movie. The bicycle stands for liberation and you have to give up a lot of salt or something to get it.

Doodus says he likes the parts where the hot nun sings. Moomus says she's not a nun in this movie and that Doodus is a dork.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC ON "SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER"

For first time visitors: this blog generally discusses fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekend, however, are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome Mr. Sandor Sege (pronouced Shandor Shegg-AY), our official film critic. We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst shaking a squeaky toy. As a result, he has been known, on occasion, to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nevertheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our deepest hope that features such as this will elevate the level of popular discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER"

OK, Moomus and Doodus say this is a classic 70s movie. I don't know what a 70s is, but it must be pretty cool.

There's this guy, see. His name is Tony and he has this family and this job in some kind of paint or hardware store. But his favorite thing is to go to discos and dance.

He meets this woman there he wants to dance with, but the woman is a man who is a general in World War II and he/she gets in trouble for smacking around a soldier with combat fatigue.

When the Battle of the Bulge comes, it snows and they can't make it to the dance contest, so Tony decides to leave his fancy music school to learn how to play blues guitar from this guy who went down to the crossroads.

The old guy's name is Mr. Miyagi and he shows him how to paint the fence and wax the car. That was a good thing, because that's how he learned to fight off all flesh eating zombies in the mall.

Finally, they make it back to the dance concert and Amadeus beats Salieri in a karate tournament with a crane technique on a slide guitar.

It was awesome.

It's like really complex symbolism. The zombies symbolize bad music and the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge represent bad dancing. The wax on the car is like the search for meaning or something.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: ANOTHER BLAST FROM THE CANINE FILM CRITIC

Note for first time readers: This blog usually covers fairly serious issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the contributions of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor SHEGG-ay). We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has sometimes been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we are convinced that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our deepest hope that such commentaries representing (bio) diverse viewpoints will elevate the level of public discourse and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "CHARLOTTE'S WEB"

OK so this movie is about a pig and a spider. The pig is scared of getting eaten and this spider decides to help him out.

The whole movie takes place in this fancy resort in the Rocky Mountains where the spider, the pig and their kids are staying while it's closed. They're like supposed to take care of it during the winter or something.

The thing is, the resort is haunted and there's all kinds of ghosts in there. The pig starts getting really weird so the spider decides to get out.

She runs away and now she looks kind of like a blond. She decides to stay at the Bates Motel. The guy who works there is named Norman and he has some issues with his mother. Doodus says it's a Freudian movie.

I don't know about that but sometimes I kind wish something bad would happen to Doodus so I could have Moomus all to myself. Then I feel guilty about it...

Anyway, right at the time the blond spider woman gets in the shower, this guy Norman comes in but--this is the cool part--she follows this white rabbit who's late for a very important date down a rabbit hole where they drink tea and have an unbirthday party.

The rabbit and the blond spider woman go on this big road trip and drive off the Grand Canyon holding hands.

I think everybody forgot about the pig, which is my main criticism of this movie. The part where they had these jet battles was awesome though.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS HAMLET

For first time visitors, this blog generally covers fairly serious issues during the week. Weekends are generally reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY), our official film critic.

We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he as sometimes been know to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

This weekend, Mr. Sege will discuss Kenneth Branagh's version of Hamlet. It is our hope that features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS HAMLET

OK, so this movie is from this old play by a guy named Shakespeare who lived a long time ago and probably wore funny hats. Sometimes Moomus puts funny hats on me, like the one in this picture.

So Hamlet is this prince guy but he's not happy. His father died and his mom married his uncle right away.

Then he really freaks out when he sees his father's ghost. Who's he gonna call?

It's gotta be ghostbusters. They are like these guys who are scientists who lost their job and live in a firehouse.

His father's ghost becomes this giant marshmallow man who tells him that his uncle killed him.

So Hamlet and the ghostbuster decide to put on a play to see if his uncle did it. The play they put on is about Bruce Willis fighting all these bad guys who took over a building.

Bruce wants to dance, but nobody at his new school dances because everyone thinks it's bad but he shows them it's not.

I don't think Hamlet's uncle really understood much about the play. The next big thing that happens is when they all go to this island and bring back a giant ape who climbs up the Empire State Building with this woman in his hand, who is really Hamlet's mother. The ape is like a symbol of Hamlet's uncle.

So the symbolism is about the fight between the giant marshmallow man and the giant monkey which is like the duality of human nature or something.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC DISCUSSES HARRY POTTER

For first time visitors, this blog generally covers fairly serious topics during the week. Weekends are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This week we once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY). By special request from a Goat Rope reader, he will discuss Harry Potter, beginning with the first film in the series, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

We must remind readers that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and as a result has sometimes been known to transpose the plots of the films he discusses. We are convinced, however, that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS HARRY POTTER

OK, so Harry Potter is this orphan kid who lives in a closet, which is kind of like a crate. I don't like crates.

Anyhow, he finds out he's a wizard and goes away to wizard school but he isn't careful and gets a case of Hogwarts. I don't think I've ever had Hogwarts but sometimes I break out when I eat people leftovers. Doodus says maybe he got it from a toilet seat, but Moomus told Doodus he was a dork. She does that a lot.

But he gets better and he has this cable access TV show with his buddy Garth, who is also a wizard. But this Dark Lord guy tries to buy out their show. He was the one who killed Harry's parents too.

After they lose their TV show, Harry and Garth get a job in Wyoming taking care of sheep. I didn't really understand some of that stuff and it got kind of slow for a while until there's this big asteroid that's about to hit the earth and Harry and his buddies are supposed to go up there and blow it up.

So they try to get the band together again to save the orphanage and they plan on giving this big concert. Harry sings and Garth plays harmonica. Everything goes great till the prom when some mean guys dump pig's blood on Harry when he's all dressed up. Man, he loses it then!

He really messes the bad guys up in the chariot race...

The main symbolism in this movie is the sled with "Rosebud" written on it. It's like about innocence or something.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC STRIKES AGAIN

For first time visitors, this blog generally covers fairly serious topics during the week. During the weekend, however, we open this space to various animal commentators in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we are pleased to once again welcome our official film critic, Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY) who will discuss the film "The Battle of Algiers."

We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the films he discusses. Nonetheless, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.

It is our hope that features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS"

OK, this movie is very important for understanding certain geopolitical situations today.

It's like about this place Algiers and all these French people are there but everybody else wants them to leave.

What really starts the whole thing is when these guys break into the Dude's house and pee on his rug.

(Sometimes I pee on the rug when Moomus and Doodus are away too long...)

But the thing is, it tied the whole room together. All the Dude wants is his rug back.

So he leaves Kazakhstan and comes to America with his producer and falls in love with Pamela Anderson and goes across the country trying to find her but in the end he decides to just go bowling.

I think the message is if you want a peaceful world and no more battles of Algiers, people should stop peeing on each other's rugs and bowl more.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "STAR WARS"

For first time readers, this blog discusses fairly serious topics during the week. The weekends, however, are generally reserved for the contributions of various talking animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY), our official film critic.

(We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy and has been known to transpose the plots of the films he reviews. Nonetheless, we believe his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming.)

It is our hope that features such as this will promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC ON THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF "STAR WARS"

OK like this movie is so cool. There's this guy Luke Skywalker and he lives on this little dump of a planet but he gets caught up in a big adventure when he comes home from college.

They have this big party and a guy tells him "plastics" is what it's all about and then Mrs. Robinson is like all over him. I didn't really understand that part, but Doodus said it was because of something a vet did to me when I was little. He kept telling me it wasn't his fault and that it was before I came here.

Anyway, Mrs. Robinson is a private detective in Los Angeles but he/she gets caught up in this big case about water and murder.

Meanwhile Luke changes his name to Stanley and moves to New Orleans and marries Stella and when her sister Blanche comes to visit, she's kind of a whack but is also princess of the galaxy. They ride around and blow things up in a spaceship named Desire.

It's all like about the mythic quest of the hero or something.

The only bad thing about this movie is it was so predictable.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC REVIEWS "FRANKENSTEIN"

For first time visitors, during the week this blog covers fairly serious topics. The weekends, however belong to the animals.

Each weekend, space is provided for commentaries by one of several talking animals, each of which has a particular field of interest and expertise.

This weekend, we are pleased to welcome back the boxer Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY), official Goat Rope Farm film critic.

(We must discretely remind the reader that Mr. Sege sustained a head injury some time back when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he sometimes transposes the plots of the movies he discusses. We apologize for this regrettable shortcoming but nevertheless believe that his insights into the world of cinema are worthwhile.)

We hope that features such of this will elevate the discourse of our time and promote a greater appreciation of the humanities and the animalities.

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC DISCUSSES "FRANKENSTEIN"

Moomus and Doodus say this movie was made in 1931, which must be a dark place.

There's this guy, see, and he wants to discover the secret of life so he goes around and gets all these dead people and puts pieces of them together.

What did he do with the rest of them? Do you think he rolled around in them? Sometimes I like to roll around in dead things.

Anyway, then he zapped the guy he made from all the pieces, who turned out to be a flat headed big footed grunt guy.

Doodus told Moomus if he was going to make a monster he's just zap one regular dead guy instead of going through all the work of stitching one together from a bunch of dead guys. Moomus said that would probably be easier but that Doodus was still a dork.

Anyway, the monster's parents go away and leave the monster home alone. While he's there by himself, these two burglars try to break into his house and he has to outwit them.

After that, he's this woman on a big boat who breaks up with her jerk boyfriend for this other guy but the boat hits an iceberg and sinks.

I thought that whole plot was a little too predictable. I mean, who wouldn't see that coming? What else would you expect from a flat headed big footed grunt guy? Sure he's gonna be a woman on a boat.

And the whole flat head iceberg thing? That's way overused.

That's the trouble with a lot of these movies.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: FILM FEATURE

For first time visitors, this blog generally discusses fairly serious social and cultural issues during the week.

The gratuitous animal pictures that usually accompany each post are simply El Cabrero's pathetic attempt to derive some use from the animals infesting Goat Rope Farm.

During the weekend, however, it is longstanding Goat Rope practice to provide space for the animals to speak for themselves.

This weekend we are pleased to provide a cinematic post-modern moment in which you can watch an image of a dog on a blog watching and reviewing a movie of himself on a blog. (At some point, we hope to achieve infinite regression...)

The animal in question is none other than our very own canine film critic Mr. Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY).

We believe it's safe to say he's his own biggest fan.

Here's the link to the movie.

Note: To ease problems for viewers using slow internet connections, Goat Rope home movies in the future will generally be linked rather than embedded in posts.


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: HIGH

WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE CANINE FILM CRITIC REVIEWS "ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST"

For first time readers, Goat Rope covers fairly serious topics during the week, generally accompanied by gratuitous animal pictures.

During the weekend, however, the animals get to speak for themselves.

This weekend, we are pleased to welcome back official Goat Rope Farm film critic Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Shegg-AY) who will discuss the classic film "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

(We must remind the reader that Mr. Sege suffered a head injury when he crashed into a wall whilst chasing a squeaky toy. As a result, he has been known on occasion to transpose the plots of the movies he discusses. However, we believe that his unique insights into the world of cinema more than compensate for this regrettable shortcoming."

THE CANINE FILM CRITIC EXPLAINS "ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST"

OK, like this movie is about the conflict between people and dogs and authority.

There's like this guy, see, who's in prison but thinks if he gets put in a mental hospital things will be easier. So he goes into one and thinks it will be one big party.

But the thing is, there's this nurse in there who likes to grind everybody down.

Doodus says Moomus is kind of like that nurse. Moomus tells Doodus to shut up or she'll shock him again.

Anyway, the guy and the big nurse and the whole platoon have to go and rescue this private cause all his brothers got killed in the war. It gets pretty bloody and some of the guys get killed but then there's this amazing plot twist.

They wind up at this resort and they're like a family. The guy turns into this girl called Baby who takes dancing lessons and falls for the nurse, who is like a guy now.

They win a contest building this baseball field and everybody comes. Even the dead guys.

That is some heavy social criticism.

If Doodus won't make me some popcorn, I'm going to try to get Moomus to shock him some more.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED