How it's done

Arpad has been known to formally boast all night.

The Goat Rope Beowulf jag continues. I've been amusing myself lately with something that occurs more than once in that Anglo-Saxon poem, to wit, formal boasting. Click on the last two days for background and how-to.

Before any self-respecting monster slayer gets down to business, he or she should make such a boast in the form of a public announcement in a mead hall (a beer joint may do in a pinch). A good formal boast should have information about the boaster and his family, all the badass stuff he or she as done, and exactly what mayhem he plans on inflicting upon whom.

There is more than one in the poem, but here's a pretty good example from Seamus Heaney's translation. This one comes when Beowulf first arrives in the kingdom of the Spear-Danes and announces his plan to kill the man-eating monster Grendel.

First an intro:

...I am Hygelac's kinsman,
one of his hall-troop. When I was younger,
I had great triumphs.

Then the business:

...Then news of Grendel,
hard to ignore, reached me at home:
sailors brought stories of the plight you suffer
in this legendary hall, how it lies deserted,
empty and useless once the evening light
hides itself under heaven's dome.

Then why he's the man for the job:

So every elder and experienced councilman
among my people supported my resolve
to come her to you, King Hrothgar,
because all knew of my awesome strength.
They had seen me boltered in the blood of enemies
when I battled and bound five bests,
raided a troll-nest and in the night-sea
slaughtered sea-brutes. I have suffered extremes
and avenged the Geats (their enemies brought it
upon themselves, I devastated them).

Then the plan:

Now I mean to be a match for Grendel,
settle the outcome in single combat.

And, just to make it interesting, he boast that he will do it unarmed:

...I have hard moreover that the monster scorns
in his reckless way to use weapons;
therefore, to heighten Hygelac's fame
and gladden his heart, I hearby renounce
sword and shelter of the broad shield...
...hand to hand is how it will be, a life-and-death
fight with the fiend. Whichever one death fells
must deem it a just judgement by God.

He seals the deal with a few references to blood and gore but you get the idea. Next time you plan on laying into a monster, make sure you set it up with a good boast like that.

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GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

DIY

Back in the day, this dog was a master of the formal boast.

The theme at Goat Rope these days is Beowulf, although there also links and comments about current events below. One thing that I find amusing about the poem is the art of formal boasting. In browsing the web, I've learned that several creative English teachers teaching Beowulf give their students the assignment of making a formal boast about themselves.

This kind of boast, usually done in the mead hall, wasn't considered to be impolite. It was more like a formal statement of intent to wreak havoc on some deserving person or monster. Beowulf issues his in advance of his fight with the man-eating Grendel.

You find something like that in the battle scenes of the Iliad, but those usually took place when Greek and Trojan enemies faced each other. One or the other (or both), would name himself and his family lineage and state his plan to slay the other, strip him of his armor as a trophy, and leave the body as food for the birds and dogs. In Beowulf, the boast happens before the fight and usually amongst friends.

We didn't have formal boasts when I was growing up. The closest thing to it happened when I was in junior high and someone would announce that he was "after" someone else. That was usually just a matter of talk, however. The art of formal boasting has declined, although the informal kind survives.

In the event that you, Gentle Reader, feel the need to issue one before doing battle with some monster or other, I've developed a simplified fill-in-the-blank form. It works best after you've pounded down some mead. Here goes:

I, _______, son (or daughter) of _________, who have done many mighty deeds, including ___________, hereby affirm in front of God and everybody that I intend to open a can upon ______________, and thereby to win lasting fame and glory or else die in the process.

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GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

The art of the formal boast

Wu is a master of the formal boast.

When current events allow, I've been amusing myself here lately by taking a look at the old Anglo-Saxon epic Beowulf, which holds up better than one might think. You'll also find links and comments about current events below.

Here's one thing I've gotten out of several recent readings: if you want to be a hero like Beowulf, there are certain things you have to be able to do. Having the strength of 30 men is a big help, as is experience in slaying monsters of the land and sea variety.

But those traits, as worthy as they no doubt are, are not enough. To do things right from the beginning, one has to be the master of the art of the formal boast. This isn't exactly bragging, which is often just a matter of words. It has to be backed up by previous glorious deeds, a serious intent to carry out the matter boasted about, and (one would hope) a successful outcome.

To do it right, you must (not necessarily in the following order):

*State who you are, including your glorious family lineage (note: it helps to have one);

*Refer at some length to the mighty deeds you have already done (it helps to have some); and

*State, as specifically and in as much detail as possible, exactly what you intend to do and to whom you intend to do it.

It's a lot cooler than the modern practice of sending in a resume or writing a proposal.

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