WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FORTUNETELLER RETURNS!

Note for first time visitors: It is the policy of this blog to cover fairly serious human issues during the week. Weekends, however, are reserved for the commentaries of various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we once again welcome Madame Ouspenskaya, a noted fortune teller.

(Note: any resemblence between Madame Ouspenskaya and Sandor Sege, GR's canine film critic is purely coincidental.)

As a result of a massive technological upgrade, Goat Rope is able to provide what is probably the blogosphere's first and only animal-provided fortune service. To access this feature, simply place the palm of your hand on the computer screen and then scroll down to receive your reading.

Note: If you just scroll down without first holding your hand to the screen, the results will be invalid. And, yes, that means you. OK, fine, be that way if you want to but don't blame us.

MADAME OUSPENSKAYA SPEAKS

You are a person of many contrasts, strong yet vulnerable. From the lines on your hand I can see that you like getting things you want, but dislike it when unpleasant things happen to you.

When you have nothing to occupy your time and interest, you become bored, which is something a complicated person such as yourself finds tedious.

When you are in pain, you would like relief from suffering. Yet you would prefer pleasant sensations to continue.

You may become angry when treated in an insulting or degrading manner. When startled, you may become surprised. When confronted with something that is really gross and vile, you may become disgusted.

A unique personality such as yours will find sadness to be depressing.

Here is my prediction for you. Much of your life will take place in time and space. Throughout the rest of it, you will seek out and hope for things that seem good to you and try to avoid terrible things, not always with success. Your relations with others will vary from good to bad. Some days will be better than others. In a temporal sense, you will be more immediately affected by things that will happen sooner than later, although later events will seem as if they happen in the present when you get there.

This above all: you should be generous in giving edible treats to anyone who advises you regarding your future.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

YOUR FORTUNE TOLD HERE

For first time readers, it is the policy of this blog to deal with fairly serious topics during the week. The weekends are reserved for special guest commentators by various animals in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This weekend, we are pleased to feature another commentary by Madame Ouspenskaya, a fortune teller well versed in the occult arts.

(Note: any resemblance between Madame Ouspenskaya and Goat Rope's canine film critic is purely coincidental.)

(Disclaimer: the staff of Goat Rope assume no responsibility for the consequences of any reader who acts upon the advice of any of these commentators.)

Thanks to a massive upgrade by the Goat Rope tech crew, we have raised the bar in blogospheric history by developing what we believe is the first online animal fortune teller.

If you haven't tried it before, here's how the system works. First, hold your palm to your computer screen. Then, scroll down to access Madame Ouspenskaya's reading.

Hey! You're not supposed to scroll down until you've held your hand to the screen.

And Yes! This means you.

OK, fine--be that way, but don't blame us if it messes up your reading.

MADAME OUSPENSKAYA'S READING

Your palm tells me much of that which has been and that which is yet to be. It speaks to me of your soul.

You are a person of complexity yet simplicity. You enjoy moments of happiness and dislike moments of misery. When you are hungry you desire food. When you are tired you crave for rest.

When your squeaky toy is stuck way under the couch where you cannot reach, you feel great frustration. Especially when it is the purple one.

Sometimes you have accidents.

You have a spot which, when properly scratched, causes your legs to jump up and down maniacally.

Now for your fortune: when moments of hardship come, as come they must, you will enjoy these somewhat less than moments of non-hardship. Yet you will experience great happiness in your moments of utmost joy. In moments of loneliness, you will experience a sense of isolation.

For your life's work to be successful, here is one word of advice: make lots of popcorn with plenty of butter and give it to a dog. A boxer to be exact...

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

WEEKEND SPECIAL: YOUR FORTUNE TOLD HERE

For first time readers, it is the policy of Goat Rope to provide semi-serious commentary during the week, seasoned with gratuitous animal pictures.

During the weekend, however, the animals get to speak for themselves.

This weekend, we are pleased to introduce a new commentator, Madame Ouspenskaya, a fortune teller well versed in the occult arts.

(Note: any resemblence between Madame Ouspenskaya and Goat Rope's canine film critic is purely coincidental.)

Thanks to a massive upgrade by the Goat Rope tech crew, we believe we are about to break new ground in blogospheric history, to wit, the first online animal fortune teller.

Here's how the system works. First, hold your palm to your computer screen. Then, scroll down to access Madame Ouspenskaya's reading.

Hey! You're not supposed to scroll down until you've held your hand to the screen.

And Yes! This means you.

MADAME OUSPENSKAYA'S READING

Your palm--it speaks to me. It tells me of your journey through life, of what has been and what is yet to be.

Your journey is long and varied. You will know many moments of both joy and sadness, of companionship and solitude.

In moments of companionship, you must sniff and let yourself be sniffed.You must share the popcorn of life and chase its many sticks.

Yet when moments of solitude come, you must embrace them. Clasp solitude to your bosom as if it were your friend.

A squeaky toy can help at these moments.

You must learn what to chase and what not to chase.

And you will know moments of failure and embarassment, when you use the bathroom on the floor.

This too shall pass.

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED