WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FELINE ZEN MASTER RETURNS

For first time visitors, this blog normally covers fairly serious topics during the week. Weekends are reserved for various animal commentators in and around Goat Rope Farm.

This week we a pleased to feature another Dharma talk by a cat. Our guest claims to have mastered a particularly austere form of Zen Buddhism. His formal name is Neko-Roshi, which is loosely translated from the Japanese as "Cat Master."

It is our hope that features such as this elevate the cultural discourse of our times and promote a greater appreciation of both the humanities and the animalities.

THE MASTER SPEAKS

I have once again come to guide hapless humans to the path of Enlightenment. Perhaps you do not realize that felines are among the most advanced practitioners of the most excellent Dharma, devoting as we do some 20 hours a day to meditation.

Humans who cultivate wisdom, ethics, and compassion and venerate the glorious Feline Vehicle may hope to be reborn as cats.

As is the case with other schools of Buddhism, the Feline Vehicle is based upon compassion and the desire to liberate all beings from suffering. We especially desire to liberate little beings, such as birds, ground squirrels, mice, baby rabbits, some insects, lizards, and small snakes from endless suffering the the transitory realm of birth and death.

If we were bigger, we might even try to liberate you...

When we are bored, we even practice by trying to liberate strings, cat toys, and little objects we can bat around.

We have discovered through intense meditation that these small creatures suffer more intensely than others and when we liberate them--especially when we take our time and really enjoy it--they are immediately reborn in the Pure Land of endless bliss.

Not so for us. We have taken a sterner path and have taken the Bodhisattva vow that we will refrain from entering Nirvana until we have liberated all such little helpless beings. Or at least a whole lot of them.

Now I have but one favor to ask of you. Would you please tell the woman who lives in this house that it is very bad karma to keep me inside when there are dozens of hungry birds hopping around in the winter?

GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED