December 02, 2006

WEEKEND SPECIAL: INTRODUCING A CANINE FILM CRITIC


Goat Rope is pleased to introduce a new weekend contributor, Sandor Sege (pronounced Shandor Sheg-AY), a boxer and resident Goat Rope Farm film critic.

He intends to use this space to share his cinematic expertise by discussing well-known films.

(We must warn the reader, however, that Mr. Sege has suffered from a head injury whilst chasing squeaky toys and has been known to transpose the plots of movies. We ask the readers indulgence and believe that his unique insights more than compensate for this regrettable problem.)

Again, it is our hope that these weekend features will elevate the level of discourse and promote greater appreciation of the arts, humanities, and animalities.

A BOXER EXPLAINS "CASABLANCA"

Yeah, I'm a film critic. I got to be a film critic cause I love popcorn. Sometimes Moomus and Doodus watch movies and eat popcorn. Popcorn good. Especially with butter.

When you're a film critic, you get popcorn because it's part of the job. That's why I didn't go into dentistry.

So the first film I want to talk about is Casablanca. There's like this American guy in North Africa who runs a night club and the Nazis are taking over everything.

And then this woman walks in that he used to know and wants his help.

She's like a singing nun, except she's not a nun anymore and has all these kids. They sing too.

The other nuns got rid of her because she sang too much. And she couldn't play the reindeer games cause she had this red nose.

And when she comes, they're not in Africa anymore but somewhere in the Alps.

The social significance of this movie is about global climate change.

And then the guy and the ex-singing nun who is no longer a nun but still sings and the kids try to get away from the Nazis but first they have to go on a secret mission to Vietnam to bust out the POWs. Man, they blow up a lot of stuff.

And the thing is, they couldn't have done it without her red nose cause it was really foggy. After that, she's famous.

But what you don't get unless you are a film critic is the symbolism. For example, the guy represents a guy and the woman is sort of a symbol for all women who sing but aren't nuns AND for all nuns that sing. The kids who sing symbolize musical little humans. And the secret mission is psychological like about confronting the unconscious and blowing up stuff.

And the whole red nose thing is like sometimes you think someone can't do anything because they have a red nose but sometimes you need one so it's OK.

I want some more popcorn. Doodus!


GOAT ROPE ADVISORY LEVEL: ELEVATED

3 comments:

Reel Fanatic said...

Now that's an enlightened commentary on Casablanca .. could you get him to sub for the dodo who works with Ebert each week? that would be great

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Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I hope that Sandor Sege is a better film critic than my cat, Alex. Or, at least that Mr. Sege doesn't place himself between you and the television screen when you're attempting to watch a DVD (as Mr. Alex D. Cat does me).